Daylight Savings?

So, with the recent clock change to Central Daylight Time, I thought I'd be somewhat tired from losing an hour of sleep. Truth be told, the time change had little effect on my circadian rhythm this time. Usually I have some sleep lag, but I feel good about the change this year.

Interesting thing I heard on the radio today though. Apparently the dairy cows get really stressed out over having to be milked by farmers an hour earlier then they are use to. I wonder if the milk they do produce is somewhat less nutritious for the time it takes their bodies to adjust to the new milking schedule? It would be neat to see a study on the value of milk post daylight savings.

Well, with the new time schedule, the warmth of spring is bound to make everyone more happy. The spring melt will no doubt be welcomed with hesitation this year in Manitoba. The "flood" will no doubt seep its moisture into the minds of Manitobans this spring.

University is almost done for this term. The absence of a strike by teaching faculty has made less room for my procrastination with assignments. Two weeks until exams seems like a lot of time, but it really isn't when you take into account the daily chores of life.

Now that I think of it, I really do not have that much time to blog either.

Until next time, take care.

March-ing on

I realize that it has been a month since I've posted a blog. I knew this would be the case when I first signed up for Blogger. I have this habit of thinking that I will do something, then get sidetracked with laziness and not take care of what I intended to do. This is the case with my blog. I know that most of you who read this, could care less, but I think if you are taking the time to create a blog online, then you should have the decency to keep the account interesting and updated, or delete it if you're not using the blog.

Well, I intend to keep this blog. It's my personal journal of things that are on my mind, and helps me grow professionally and personally. By blogging, I am able to say what is on my mind and not worry about the people who might have some thing to say about this. If you have an issue with my postings, then perhaps you need to ask yourself why that is.

So, it's now March. I really do not care for this month. There are some events that transpired in the later depths of the month that caused a lot of personal pain for me. The death of my niece Tannis Lynne Bird on March 30, 2007, was a very hard thing to deal with. How come people say that? Deal with? It's not a chore. It's life doing what life does. I become very critical with people who say thing like: You can deal with this; What does not kill you, only makes you stronger; and other insincere rhetoric to abide their feelings and make them satisfied with themselves. Just say "I am sorry" and move on. Don't pile on other laundry, when the washing machine is broken.

March is the bitter end of the winter months. I always look forward to this fabled month. Once the Lion roars in, the lamb can bleat its meek self onward with the renewal of spring. Spring time is fun. My 30th birthday is this spring, and so is another chapter in my university courses.

Speaking of my 30th birthday, on May 11th, I want to do something extra special. Perhaps a trip to Las Vegas is just what is needed. Who knows, maybe I will get married?

Such is the beast with blogging, you do not know where to stop. I think this would be an okay place.

A weekend that wasn't

So, this was my long weekend away from work. Had Friday off because it was an administration day, and educational assistants are not allowed to partake in the fun at my school. Oh well, not that I would want to. I had anticipated a good, stress free weekend, and to have some fun in the mix. Well, the only time that enjoy myself lately has been the times when I am at work.

So, what has been bothering me. I hate to keep harping on the "Junior" scenario, but I have re-directed a lot of disgust and anger in him. To tell the truth, I am not sure what is bothering me. As I said in the last blog, I do not like being unstable. I feel that this weekend did not allow me to turn off my work mind, and had to be "on" all the time. Now, granted that the weekend is only half done, and there is a lot that can change, I don't feel that way.

An annoying voice keeps my blood pressure up. Junior had his fourth baby's mother over last night. She is sill here. The feeling of being at ease in my own house has been taken away from me. I cannot lounge freely in my abode due to the fact of an unwanted visitor is over. I simply do not like her. There is a history of bad choices made by her and others involved with this woman. I still hold anger with Junior and her from the negative things he had done while dating my late niece. Those who know the history will agree with me. Those who don't, do not need to bother with the details. This is just how I feel, and I will not open my mind to a resolution on this. I really don't care to go further with that.

I spent Saturday at university. It was a good day, filled with like minded individuals. I can see how some of us in our class will make great teachers one day, while having pity on the students of the others in my class who I don't see making it. Again, my opinion.

I think I need to make this night better. Don't know what I will do, but I want to have fun... with fun people.

Garbage and "garbage"

So, after coming home from a very productive, and positive day at work, I enter my house to have my happy day at work erased. Junior tries to use very negative and disrespectful language when he is addressing anger. Anger brought upon by whom? He would like to think that I am the one holding him back and causing him to be angry, but that is far from the truth. He is just an angry person, who does not release the demons that bother him. He holds onto things, and re-directs his anger towards people who care about him. I guess he uses me as a sounding board to vent his frustrations and lashes out because he does not have the communication skills to tell the people in his life he is mad at them.
This round of arguments started over Junior leaving a cup in my room and lounging on my bed while I am at work. I don't have a problem with him watching tv in my room, but I would like it if he cleaned up after himself. He then goes off on how I should learn to do dishes. I laugh at that, because it is I who does most of the dishes in this house. He cooked an excellent supper last night, and left the pan to soak over night. There were not many dishes to wash, but he got mad that he had to clean the supper dishes. I always make sure to clean after I cook, so him getting mad for not doing something that I always do is stupid. He also took out the garbage bag today. Wow. Does he even know that I took out the recycling today as well?
Junior has a habit of not seeing the greater picture. He views life in the now, and does not look at things in the long term, or the effect his behavior and participation has on our life together.
I say "our" life because Junior and I are the best of friends. We consider ourselves brothers, and have great love for one another as brothers. I don't see Junior leaving my life anytime in the next little while, so why does he not see what I mean when I ask him to help out long term. Getting a job, staying out of jail, taking part in the house work, going back to school to finish his education and stuff like that. It really does bother me that I cannot take my best pal on trips out of this country. He is a fun person to travel with, because I am a coward with things at times, LOL... like going up to strangers and partying. I suppose, we both live vicariously through each other.

Looking back on this argument today, I did see it coming. I said to myself last night, that I knew Junior would find a way to argue. We have been doing so good over the last week, and have been not fighting, but it's that calmness that we want, which causes us to fight. It's normal for this to happen.
Now, Junior will feel that he got somewhere over this argument and go out drinking, and being reckless with his life again for a few days. He will use me as an excuse to explain why he needs to drink and be dumb and do drugs. He knows I found certain drug containers in his room, so he cannot lie to me about not doing them. Ugggh, I get mad at him for having to resort to drugs and binge drinking. He is better then that. He knows it too. Why can't he just see that I value him with so much, that the reason why I hold him to a higher standard is because I don't want to lose him again? It sounds selfish on my part, but right now, I don't know what I would do without him in my life.

I need to be stable, and that helps me sleep at night. Being ahead at my university work, having a good day at work and keeping atop my bills are what keeps me stable. Also, having Junior staying at my house also gives me stability. I can sleep good at night knowing he is safe and not in trouble. It's more of a parental control over him that I have. I just wish he would see that.

Tonight, I have to go back to work. I need to rest my eyes, and take a cat nap before. I am optimistic that this evening will be good. Tonight is another story. Junior will go drinking, and still have anger that he did not deal with. Lucky for me, I have sleeping pills to help me drift off to slumber.

That someone

When do you know someone likes you and wants to be with you, and when do you make the move to keep that person in your life? It's not that I was being too cautious and reserved, but rather showing her respect and concern by not making the move to a more serious relationship sooner. Now it's too late. She is gone from the city, and living somewhere else. The story of my life. Should I even continue to search for her, or the next her, or should I just continue onward and let fate take over? I am not a fatalist, but do think that some karma-ish intervention would suffice. Oh, my head in the clouds, keeping me awake in my dreams. Where do I step next?